Moments: The Good and the Bad

One of my favorite songs by the Red Clay Strays is Moments. One verse that stands out is, "We're all made by these moments." Our mannerisms, ideas, thoughts, the way we view the world, and how we deal in good and bad situations, start from the day we are born. I have been reflecting a lot this past month on the emotional roller coaster my sister and I have been through with losing a daddy. And of course there were many other family members that had a range of emotions. But this blog is about us.

Tiffany and I requested immediate family only the final three days that daddy was here on earth. The reason may had seemed selfish to some, but our reason stemmed from having to share moments with him with someone else for most of our lives. I had a daddy to myself for seven years and Tiffany only three, before our parents divorced. It was a very rare occasion that we had any one on one time with him. Daddy would actually have to sneak in a phone call or slip us a little money on the side for clothes or whatever need we may have had. Growing up that way always made us have our guard up, even in front of the rest of our family. I write this, not out of self pity from either of us, but to tell a story that could never be told until now.

People think they know what goes on inside a family, but they only see what one wants them to see. I have know doubt he loved us very much, but unfortunately our time with him was always being monitored. Mainly to make sure we did not get something, whether it be quality time, money or gifts. It is ironic in a way, the only thing we wanted was time with our daddy. The best moments I have had with him in a long time was the summer of Covid and the summer of 2023. We spent a lot of time in my yard during Covid talking about the garden, arrow heads and other random things. And the summer of 2023, we talked and went places together a lot. He grieved Kayla's death so hard, and he would call and check on me a lot. I know Tiffany has some good memories in recent times as well. I think we both choose to just hang onto the good ones now.

But October of 2023, his health started to decline again, and I was taking him all over to find out the reason why. He was stressed, defeated from being so sick, and not much fight left in him. When we finally got a firm diagnosis, it was to late. During those final days, we were determined that we spent every second with him. For two and half days, we listened as he breathed and wondered when the last breath would come. Robby, Aunt Kay, Aunt Jenny and Shawn made sure we had food and clean clothes, so we would not have to leave. It's like we both knew Wednesday night that he was nearing the end. I rolled over and Tiffany let go of his hand, and he passed away thirty minutes later. I think he held on for as long as he did, because we would not let go of his hands. I am thankful it was just us there for his last breath, because he was there for our first breath.

Both of our lives have been shaped by some really bad moments growing up, but it made us learn how to survive on our own. Yes, it would had been nice to have had a normal childhood, but we did not. So we cherish the alone time we had with our daddy, even during his last days. The photo taken of us, by Tiffany's husband, is the last picture of us three together. We had no idea he had even taken it, until the day after he passed away. Tiffany sent me a message and and told me to prepare myself for the picture she was fixing to send. I will admit it took my breath away. It is a very raw and emotional picture. But it represents two daughters that loved their daddy through the good and the bad moments in life.

Dawn Renee